This photo is a great way to describe the battle within me pretty much EVERY day! It's like the cartoon where you have a demon on one side and an angel on the other both whispering for you to do what they say. demon " oh you know you can eat that donut before you even get home and nobody will know" angel " oh but God knows, He sees everything, and you've worked so hard, don't give up, God's strength is made perfect in your weakness" on and on and on it goes.
There are literally times when that inner battle, my flesh vs. the will of God, leads me to tears. I've been known to fight back tears in the grocery store MORE than I can count. I hurt, in the deepest part of me, I hurt.
I know that I have been blessed to have the choice between Life and Death (blessing and cursing) and that all I have to do is CHOOSE LIFE but my flesh is so stinkin' loud. My old habits scream to fed and my body is so addicted to that junk that even in the physical sense, it hurts to say no. Can you relate?
I know that because I am saved by the Blood of Jesus and that my body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit! I so badly want my temple to reflect my Lord! I want people to see that I can really do ALL things with Christ. I hate that I run to food when things go bad or turn stressful...it's such an idol!
YES! Food is an idol for me and no doubt countless other people. We call it many things so that it doesn't sound so harsh. "Food addiction" "eating problem" "bad habit" so on but calling a spade a spade, 9 times out of 10, for a born again spirit filled knows better Christian...it's an IDOL!
When I should be hitting my knees crying out to God from a place of faith I am so inclined to hit the closest Mc.Donald's instead. One leads to life and hope and strength and the other, to a slow, greasy death!
I've repented so many times and I've tried so many ways to fix this habit. This slow fleshy suicide that I live. I've tried!
Now, I'm trying to do it RIGHT! With my eyes on JESUS the whole time! As hard as it sincerely feels for me to make good eating choices, I know that what Jesus did for me was so much harder! He died the most horrible form of death, was seperated from His father...all so that I can LIVE! And live abundantly! I CHOOSE to NOT take my life for granted! I CHOOSE LIFE! For HIS glory!
I've got another blog (
www.fatwithaprettyface.blogspot.com) and that has more of the black and white of my weight loss/scale/measurement/eating info but this is the one that is focused on the heart behind the journey! If you want to know "my plan" for eating and exercising etc, it's on that site. That being said:
I'm on a Daniel Fast right now. I have no doubt that the Lord has led me here. I am scared I'll fail. I'm scared that I'll give up before my 21 days are up (on day 3 right now) and I'll binge! BUT I am so excited to be learning and using the SELF CONTROL fruit of the spirit! I am reading a great book about the Daniel Fast by a "daniel fast blogger" (don't have it in front of me right now for her name) and it's sooooo good!
In the past when I've done a "daniel fast" I've cheated and hardly noticed. I didn't eat meat or "sweets" but I ate things like Pizza with cheese and veggies and sweets with FAKE sugar in them. WOW that was sooo not a sincere fast! I am now following this fast much more intensely and my flesh HATES IT!!!
I am eating, as the book and BIBLE state, the way Daniel did! Pulse and water! (aka anything that grows from a seed/plant and water) I'm allowing myself one cup of 1/2 caf.coffee daily for now to help the headaches...not that it's helping! I'm pretty much eating like a hardcore vegan. Nothing animal based or sweet....totally different! No milk, no eggs, nothing! It's hard! I won't lie, it's hard! But I know my God will get the glory in the end! It's all for HIM!
I'm not fasting to lose weight, I'm fasting to have more of GOD and less of me! I am fasting to finally get breakthru with this food idol junk and to learn how to USE self control! I have to stop praying for self control and realize it's a fruit of the spirit and that spirit lives IN ME! I have it... I just need to use it!
A verse that helps me so much in this journey is:
Hebrews 12:11
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." AMAZING!!! This is NOT pleasant and it IS painful...but I am not letting go of the promise that later on, once I am trained by it, I'll reap a harvest of righteousness and peace!!!!
Thank you JESUS!
The journey continues!
